It has been a long time since I updated this blog simply because I did the one thing a person should never do – I gave up on myself and my dreams. I gave up on ever being published, on ever being recognized, on ever having people Want to read the stories I write. It was a cruel spiritual death. Slowly but surely, I just stopped writing.
I recently came to a realization that should have been obvious from the start – no one can enjoy me or my expression of myself if I never put anything in front of others to see. After going through quite a lot of major changes within the past year, I decided to try once more.
Throughout history, a few things have become apparent about the human condition in general. There will always be war, famine, disease, pain, injustice, evil. There will also always be hope. There will always be music, art, poetry, fiction and non-fiction writing, innovation, progress for the good of others, progress for our next generation. None of those things are possible without effort.
Being the extremely private person that I am, baring my soul publicly and expressing my reality is incredibly difficult for me. However, I have opinions, I have ideas, I have something that no one else will ever have – my Self. My inner voice longs to be Heard. My method of expression has always been words. Even as a child, I started writing stories almost as soon as I learned to read. It was inevitable that I would become a writer in spirit and practice begin the avid reader and lover of stories that I am.
It is only through several trials by fire that I have come to accept who I am. In fact, I have even come to like myself. As someone struggling with self-hate and depression for the entirety of my life, this is a major change. Ironically, being repeatedly abandoned and hurt by the ones I loved and trusted most has forged me into a more complete and brave person. I am finally the person I always wanted to be – complete in myself, needing no one else to tell me who I am or should be.
Rejection hurts. Betrayal hurts more. Disliking oneself hurts more than all of that. Ironically, because others could not love and appreciate me, I have come to love and appreciate myself more than ever. I feel more complete and secure in myself than I have in my entire life. I feel ready to take on anything that comes my way.
I am still very lost as far as my future is concerned. I am still searching for my own path in life. Now, though, I don’t panic at the thought of having to start anew and failure isn’t a foreign concept or the most fearsome of fears. Failure has just become a setback and a learning experience to me at this point.
Hence, I decided to try to write here again. I deleted all the previous posts on this blog because I no longer identify with the person who wrote those posts. I have changed. Life and time and experience have changed me. I am ready to introduce who I am Now to the world. Learning from Living will be a collection of my experiences and musings. I hope to amuse you all with my anecdotes and to pique your interest with my life views.
To those who once read my blog, thank you for returning to read once more! To those who see my posts for the first time, welcome to my world!
Here is to Learning from Living!